Catching Up...Again.

Every time I open up blogger to post, I just end up not knowing what to say. I haven't posted since August, and life has been so busy. If I kept a normal journal, I wouldn't worry so much. But since I use the blog to document things in my life, as well as Makaylas, I need to be better. After Makayla got out of the hospital for that cat bite, life has just been a whirl wind of events. We moved back to Logan in September, it was costing too much to drive over the mountain everyday. Halloween came and went, Makayla was the cutest "princess pirate". That was not our costume goal, but hey, she loved it! In November, my baby turned THREE!! I cant believe it. She is no longer my baby! And informs me of it on a daily basis. She loves being a big girl. Her new favorite things are showering with mommy, staying up late, (I have since gotten her on a bedtime schedule) and "going to work like mommy". She is such a smart cookie. If I tell her that we don't do certain things, and she catches me doing them, I get sent to time out. She takes my phone and makes me sit in my room for a few minutes. Then she reminds me why I got in "trouble" and that we don't do things like that. It is hilarious. I love that she is truly grasping what I am trying to teach her. She is starting to understand that her actions have consequences. And also that if she cant do (or say) things, neither can Mommy.

Her Third Birthday Pictures

 

 After the excitement of her birthday calmed down, we were able to get ready for Christmas! I don't know if it was just the fact there was no snow up until Christmas, but I just had the hardest time getting into my normal Christmas spirit. Usually, everything is up and decorated by the beginning of November, and I get so excited. But not this year. I loved Christmas, but just not as much as I normally do.

 

Doug and I didn't have any of the kids Christmas morning. It was awesome. We were (somewhat) able to enjoy our day  before picking up the kids, and having our Christmas with them. Christmas was the awakening point for me that Doug and I weren't going to last. We did nothing but fight when he was home. Which is the complete opposite of how things should have been. We fought Christmas Eve and morning. He was insecure in our relationship, because of things his first ex wife did to him SEVEN YEARS AGO. And after everything I went thru with Mikey, I had told myself I would never be with someone, or stay with someone who put me thru what he did. And that's what Doug was starting to do. He would sneak thru my phone, and then lie about it. (I had NOTHING to hide). He didn't want me talking to Mikey. At all. HELLLLLOOO, that's the father of my child. We fought Christmas morning because I had texted Mikey asking how Makyala's morning had been, what did Santa bring her ect....and Doug freaked. I knew in that moment we would get divorced. I wasn't sure when, but I knew it would eventually happen. I mentally shut down, and to cope with all the crap he was throwing at me, I stopped caring. Its all I know how to do in situations like that. I am doing better at it now, but once I get into a state of mind like that, there is no coming back. Its how I was finally able to be done with Mikey, and once I got there with Doug, I knew we had to be done. I wasn't happy. my life was taking turns for the worse, and I couldn't do that again. I had Makyala to think about, and at the end of the day, she needs a mommy who can function on a daily basis. She needs a mom who is happy with herself, and with life. So to do what was best for myself and my daughter, I got a divorce. Doug is not happy, he thinks I just gave up. But I didn't. And I refuse to defend that to anyone. People can and will think what they want. If you have something to say, just say it to my face. I have nothing to hide. Im so sick of people being petty and talking behind my back. Nobody knows the battles I face on a daily basis. Yes, I made my choices, but Ive dealt with them, and I am happy.  My divorce will be final in May. And I cannot wait!

Right now, I am in Houston, until the 7th. But that's a post for another day! :)